I'm sick of myself.

Like, why I'm so weak. Being a coward all the time. Pretending as if I'm okay. Say yes to all requests. The feeling of afraid of being rejected. To be left behind alone. Hiding my true self. Pretending to be someone that people will like.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I WONDER WILL I ABLE TO STAY SANE.

My words speak louder, better if no one know what I'm talking about. Why why why why. Meanwhile in contrary, I always say that I hate people who talk behind my back--like why don't they just talk it right in front of me, act all brave, say your thoughts, I'll hear it, let's find the solution together. 

I also become someone who's always afraid towards thing. I doubt my thoughts, I doubt my decision. I doubt everything that can be doubted.

....alright, rolls back to study.
Mid term starts tomorrow until the end of March.

10.07.2011

Vacation will be ended by tomorrow. WHA---- QAQ;;;; Seems like my vacation week is just really--short. Short. Short. I just spent a week went to HK, and another week to Jakarta. /shotshotshot

ngg.. so finally, I become an 11th grader now D': And I will turn to 16 by next month-- why I becoming that old this fast?!?! QmQ;;; anyway--

I just read something-- that somehow makes me feel something like jealousy or what. Idk recently I'm fulfilled by negative feelings. Previously, it was dilemma, and desperation, a needs to be a perfectionist, and emo things. Now it adds with jealousy. Please don't tell me that I'll start school by tomorrow within all of this negative things. I hope I can get rid of them by meeting my friends--or maybe some of them will just make me got more negatives.

Must back to work by now. = ^ = I have something to do, that must be done within 8 hours.