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Eventho I said that no one ever visit nor read this blog, the fact is different.
*stares at pageview numbers*....

......................what is this.

I'm sick of myself.

Like, why I'm so weak. Being a coward all the time. Pretending as if I'm okay. Say yes to all requests. The feeling of afraid of being rejected. To be left behind alone. Hiding my true self. Pretending to be someone that people will like.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I WONDER WILL I ABLE TO STAY SANE.

My words speak louder, better if no one know what I'm talking about. Why why why why. Meanwhile in contrary, I always say that I hate people who talk behind my back--like why don't they just talk it right in front of me, act all brave, say your thoughts, I'll hear it, let's find the solution together. 

I also become someone who's always afraid towards thing. I doubt my thoughts, I doubt my decision. I doubt everything that can be doubted.

....alright, rolls back to study.
Mid term starts tomorrow until the end of March.

Kalo saia pernah nulis tentang Marsians, now it's time to write about Socrates--ian? #krik
well then, let's start!

1. Abi Rafdi ZhafariLagi-lagi, setelah lulus dari Mars, gw sekelas lagi sama orang ini. Wahahaha, haii Abi :Y ...sialnya sekarang dia jadi pinter banget, rajin, ranking 1, terus tinggi. Tapi tetep, ceking. Jayusnya nambah parah pula =)) Dan, dengan new ability: menggurita. Makin banyak cewek yg digosipin bareng abi, AMG. #cring
2. Ajeng Rachma FaridaBassist masyur. *eh* intinya, bagaikan artis, jadwal malamnya selalu sibuk dengan latihan musik di studionya sendiri ataupun bermain musik di acara-acara seperti festival iJazz dan lainnya. Mempunyai kelebihan akademis dalam bidang hitung-menghitung, tapi entah kenapa kalau yang namanya ekonomi pasti sekelas remed tak terkecuali dia. Oke, gurunya emang unik ding. Rambutnya tipis sekali, yang katanya merupakan faktor keturunan. Salah satu saingan akademis saia *u*)9
3. Alvian Bimo Syatya PutraStill, the eternal drummer of SDB. Walaupun sempat semi-vakum selama kelas 10, kembali lagi menapaki karir drummernya semenjak kelas 11. Mulai lebih aktif dan produktif terutama setelah lahirnya INERSIA (Band Socrates yang lahir gara2 lomba band di AKA. *krik*) Sejauh ini, skandal bertemakan 12.12.08 masihlah berlanjut, yang berdasarkan fakta yang tidak ada, jadi yasudalah =u= And yeah, he smokes regularly, and more often, I see, lately. Man, I hate guys who are smoking in such young age..I'm sort of...disappointed of you, man.
4. Eganio Topan YupawaPaling bawel, ngomong seenak jidat, pembully yang entah sadar apa ngga dia secara ga langsung udah menghina abis-abisan dan meludahi orang yang ngebantuin dia dalam akademis. Sincerely, I just hate any guy yang kayak cewek, apalagi yang ngelebih-lebihin cewek. =u=.............in my opinion, dia kalo face-to-face ga berani ngomong, banyak bener ngelesnya, giliran di grup atau apapun yang sifatnya jauh, wih berani dia bacot gede. Haduh mas, saia manggil anda mas apa mbak nih? Tapi enak sih, orang ini ligat juga kerjanya. Yes, I love ligat speed :> Bitch please, I really hate this person.
5. Hendrik Alif ArsandyCuti sekolah selama nyaris setahun dikarenakan sakit. Tapi dia patut diacungin jempol, karena walaupun sakit dia ga pengen keliatan lemah dpn orang-orang. Overall, he's kind, sort of mature, and easy going. Tengil, tapi masih hormat sama cewek. Kelakuannya masih cowok. I like your attitude, dude! 
6. ME HERE.
7. Kiki Della Putri Nothing much that can be said about this person but... Orang ini..misterius. *inglip* Sesama golongan A, sesama anak tunggal. Satu hal yang saya bingungkan adalah, gimana ceritanya dulu wali kelas kami bilang susah ngebedain kami--mirip katanya.  Dimana semua orang bisa liat jelas-jelas saya dan dia itu beda. Fffffuuu---- Karena memiliki situasi kehidupan yang sama, dia bisa mengerti rant geje saya lah U_U dia juga ngerti kalo saya perfeksionis akut--satu hal yang saia inget dari dia adalah;
   

   "..lo itu perfectionist peh, jadi jangan melakukan hal yang lo rasa lo ga sanggup. Pada akhirnya, lo cuma ngelukain diri lo sendiri, dan lo bakalan stress sendiri."

   Thanks, QuQ;;;........I'll always remember that.
8. M. Reza Azhar
   Dan saya selalu lupa huruf M di depan namanya itu kepanjangannya apaan. Diem, lucu, jayus. Nah lho. Gamer sejati, kelihatannya. Temen nge-gym-nya Abi nih, terus salah satu saingan akademis saya juga :B.....hey dude. One of people that I can talk to in class [beside the girls, ofc]

segini dulu, kalo mood nanti lanjut. 

14.10.2011

.............it's something banget. //shot
Basically, when I start my 2nd year in senior high, I've been busy with contests. And the LCT contest has successfully made me unable to concentrate to learn for the mid-term exams ._. As the result, I got the 3rd place in class. Damn. It. -______-

But at least I received sort of a good news! I joined poster contest of BKKBN (KB), and beyond my expectation, I passed the preliminary round, being the top 5 from 19 contestants! QuQ;; But to bad, on the final round, I didn't make it into 1st place :/ just because I forgot to draw the BKKBN logo fffffffuuu---- even the organization people keep saying that mine is really a poster and amazing. But since I forgot to draw the logo... well? .__.

And today, I just joined speech contest. The contest itself is a nationwide type, and for speech section, it consist 5 rounds. Preliminary 1, Preliminary 2 (with mystery box), Quarter Final, Semi Final, Grand Final. I hope that I can get in Quarter Final, or maybe I can got the best speaker title. Well said this is my 2nd speech contest lol. But the best thing today is, I can delivered my speech better than the last time.. So, wish me luck? #heplz 

10.07.2011

Vacation will be ended by tomorrow. WHA---- QAQ;;;; Seems like my vacation week is just really--short. Short. Short. I just spent a week went to HK, and another week to Jakarta. /shotshotshot

ngg.. so finally, I become an 11th grader now D': And I will turn to 16 by next month-- why I becoming that old this fast?!?! QmQ;;; anyway--

I just read something-- that somehow makes me feel something like jealousy or what. Idk recently I'm fulfilled by negative feelings. Previously, it was dilemma, and desperation, a needs to be a perfectionist, and emo things. Now it adds with jealousy. Please don't tell me that I'll start school by tomorrow within all of this negative things. I hope I can get rid of them by meeting my friends--or maybe some of them will just make me got more negatives.

Must back to work by now. = ^ = I have something to do, that must be done within 8 hours. 

17.05.2011

Updating via school's comp. lab 8DD~ anyway, I suppose to do a task that was given by the teacher, but too lazy. *stares on the task sheet*. Rly busy with RL lately, moreover, final exams on the way. And the big even is just about H-2, and also I also haven't do anything about the graduation thingy. haah tiring it is. 89 Questions omg.

Recently, I tried to avoid myself from the laptop, and focused more on RL. Since my schedule is sooo tight, and I still lack of sleep. I rly want to draw, but I just realized that artblocks attack me. eww, thank you villain /emangnya CR apa/ (currently, most of all male studs playing games, abandoning their task too, ofc) and I should done the 89 questions in...........les than 20mins. Break time is almost here. hurrhurr.

No one will cares but I just feel to write it here. I'm going to have my final exams by next May 30th. And guess what? The first subjects are math, civics, and ICT. GDI why from all subjects it must be Math as the first subject DDDD8< The 2nd and 3rd day are even worse. On the 2nd day, we're going to have err..Geography..and.. sth. And on the 3rd day, it's Economy and Biology. /diesdiesdies/

I have so many postponed things. QAQ;; *frustated so much but I think I'm still insane as usual<3*
I guess. Will write more later, since my friend asked to left the lab now. =u= beside that I'm hungry... /derp

18.04.2011

baww. Imma on my vacation now hurrhurr. A week vacation feels like heaven to me, especially since now is my 2nd semester, so there's no time to play around =m=;; and yet, my final average score, was beaten by a friend of mine (but at least I'm still on the 2nd position ohoho). Just see U8 I'll beat you again, just like what I did last semester on the final exams. =u=;;; I think I must put more concentration on religion, math, and chemistry (chem? It's absolutely WTF for me)
Anyway, that reminds me that I must do several assignments that school gave before the vacation... fffffff--- why don't you just give us a little break demmit OTL---anyway it was Biology Paper, and a Short Story for Language class.

Anyway, currently I'm watching Princess.Princess or PuriPuri *u* it's because just by yesterday, I start to re-read my princess-princess comic book...and to think that I haven't watch the anime yet..so I decided to watch it eheh *^*
Actually, I've read about the recension about it several years ago (when I'm still on elementary I guess..) and quite disappointed because Tohru's hair is BLUE. omg.
jaa~I shall back to watch the anime--and I plan to play FFIX after this fufufufu<3